I knew what it was like to inhale and wait for that feeling of being alive, for that comfort that life’s rhythm would bring, only to have every breath let you down.
All night we stayed there. We stewed in a sea of emotions, a different one breaking on us each second.
Before, if I worked hard enough and stayed busy enough, I escaped its reaches. Not now. Tonight, I stopped fighting and sank below the surface of fear, hope, anger, happiness, sadness, joy, death, and life.
I stopped fighting and finally let myself drown.
Sleep held her captive in the early morning. I looked at the woman who had loved me when I hadn’t deserved it, and finally started trying to be the person worthy of that. I crawled in bed and wrapped her in my arms.
She stiffened at my touch; it had become foreign to her, and that was my fault.